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In this space there are three constants,

1) BJ jokes whenever I mention the Blue Jackets
2) Reasonable analysis of the Avs and things that effect the Avs
3) Mucho hate for that whiny bitch-ass coward, Dion Phaneuf.

Today is a special day, because I am combining 2) and 3) to give you a reasonable analysis why that whiny bitch-ass coward, Dion Phaneuf, is a whiny bitch-ass coward. Maybe I'll even throw in a BJ joke to complete the Holy Grail of Jibbles Blogging.

I think the best way to go about this is to prove, with evidence, that Dion Phaneuf is, indeed, a cowardly jack-ass. It's already assumed, as evidenced by Greg Wyshanski's NHL closer on Deadspin today. Here on this site I have mentioned this as fact because it's one of those things that just seems like they don't actually need proved, it's so completely obvious that anyone with half a brain could see this. Even when Joe @MHH inexplicably gives him some respect, he has to in the context of saying he's a whiny bitch-ass coward, or some variant of. However some people, like those that follow the Eastern conference, only get exposed to Dion Phaenuf's blinding douchebaggery every once in a while. Then there's the poor soul who made a poor choice for a blog name and is now stuck with it for life, kind of like that college freshman who decided to get that tattoo of Tweety on her lower stomach, got pregnant and now it looks like Big Bird after a serious meth bender. (Unfortunately she has recently gone on sabbatical from blogging, but the tattoo, er, blog name remains. It's too bad it's a good blog with a bad name).

A few weeks ago the jibblewife came up with a very astute way of observing Cody McLeod doing some of the crap that in general makes him a hockey uncle-fucker. These included: Fights with people who don't usually fight, taking runs at guys for no apparent reason. I think this is an excellent criteria, mainly because only a coward will fight someone who doesn't fight, but backs down to people who, you know, might actually kick his ass. I think taking runs/cheap shots at players, especially players who aren't known to be pests, is a general measure of basic spinelessness. I think those are two acceptable criteria to prove that Dion Phaneuf is, in fact, a whiny bitch-ass coward.

Fights: In Adrian Dater's recent blog entry, where he calls Dion Phaneuf a "punk" (which is a synonym for whiny bitch-ass coward if you are under the constraint of editors, word counts and profanity regulations which I, thankfully, am not) there is actually a decent defense of Dion Phaenuf in the comments:
This BLOG is a joke. Phaneuf a coward? Hides behind his shield? The guy has 9 fights this year (that is more than any AVS player with the exception of lappy and McLeod) and still averages over 26 minutes of ice time a game (2nd in the league!)...
A fair point, Phaneuf has 9 fights this season. Let's see who he has fought this season, and how much those guys have fought all season. (For reference Dion Phaneuf is 6'3" 215lbs)

Stephane Villeux (6'1", 181 lbs) (MIN)- 3 fights in '07-'08
Mattius Ohlund (6'2", 220 lbs) (VAN)- 2 fights
Andreas Lilja (6'3", 230 lbs) (DET)- 3 fights
Keith Tkachuck (6'2", 225 lbs) (StL)- 1 fight
Travis Moen (6'2", 211 lbs) (ANH)- 7 fights
Shane Doan (6'2", 216 lbs) (PHX)- 1 fight
Ethan Moreau(x2) (6'2", 220 lbs) (EDM)- 3 fights
Todd Bertuzzi (6'3", 245 lbs) (ANH)- 3 fights

Wow those are some major heavyweights right there! Andreas Lilja and Ethan Moreau(x2)! I mean that's a lot like Boogard and Parros. If you take out their fights with Dion Phaneuf, his 9 opponent's have a whopping 15 fights combined this season, 6 of them belonging to Travis Moen. In Phaneuf's defense he is at least fighting people his size.

Now fighting people who don't normally fight isn't quite enough to make you a coward, it makes you pretty pathetic, but not quite enough to drive you over that edge to yellow-bellied bona fide whiny bitch-ass coward. No that takes picking on people smaller than you. So let's take a look at how some of those fights actually started:

Nov. 27th - vs Andreas Lilja:[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7dnIcetNXUU]Typical whiny bitch-ass coward play. Phaneuf tries to make a nice open-ice hit on an, admittedly, head down Jiri Hudler. But the douche inside Phaneuf takes over and he leaves his skates to make the hit (the 52 second/53 second mark is the best view of him leaving his skates, oh and Stars fans should point to this when they argue Steve Otts recent suspension by the way) so Lilja, that notorious sherrif, comes and protects his teammate.

Here's another one by Phaneuf:
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mSQyxCFcqz4&hl=en]
Again leaving his feet to take out Duncan Keith, another one of those notorious brutes.

Here's the one against Villieux:[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=OoZus2O9BPA]Again look how he elbows Foy's head into the glass form behind. And now the classic cowardly bitch-ass hit on Arnason that Lappy resonds to. Just to remind everyone this was done in a meaningless game on the last day of last season when Calgary had wrapped up a playoff spot:[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R70pMsnuu9w]

And just to prove it here's one that didn't result in a fight, but was still cowardly and dirty:[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NP2pk4T3ceA&hl=en]

Now that he may be dating Elisha Cuthbert, he is a prime candidate to end up on this blog, as soon as someone photo's them in public.

The prosecution rests, I believe that I have proved beyond a shadow of reasonable doubt, that Dion Phaneuf = whiny bitch-ass coward.